What Our Kids Notice When We Aren't Looking
How simple, intentional choices outline the blueprint for the next generation.
I became a father 14 years ago on 5th September 2011. In India, 5th September is celebrated as Teachers’ Day. It is a fitting coincidence because Samyak brought a deep sense of wonder and joy into my life and became my greatest teacher. Through him, I started to see the world again with fresh eyes. His natural spontaneity and finding joy in small things as a kid inspired me to stay present and savor the moment.
As he grew, I committed to being an exemplar.
exemplar (noun): serving as an excellent model or an example of intentional living.
Instead of talking about an intentional life with conscious choices, I chose to walk the talk. I focused on simple, daily choices:
Our Physical Foundation: Eating healthy food, taking care of fitness, prioritizing sleep, and making time for self-care.
Our Character Foundation: Pursuing personal goals, staying calm in the storm, carefully choosing words, treating people with respect, and enjoying a career of growth and learning.
Children notice everything. At age eight, Samyak witnessed my speeches at the Toastmasters club, and he has seen me compete in contests. He has been there at the start and finish lines in countless running events over the years.
The compounding effect of these actions showed up outside our home. One common observation from his teachers at school is that he is calm and considerate. We have heard this from his kindergarten days to 8th grade.
Some things have clearly rubbed off on him. Samyak loves reading and being in shape (perhaps the effect of being a teenager, too). Right now, he is in a binge mode in India, eating butter-loaded masala dosas in Bengaluru. But I know, he understands the art of moderation and will exercise restraint during the next meal.
Now he is starting high school in two months. He enters a new world, a new environment, and new role models. I am not sure how much real estate I would have in his mind as a role model, but I know for sure I have done the right thing for my life even if no one was watching me—that’s the toughest part, but it is the ultimate foundation.
5 Blueprint Lessons for Intentional Parenting
If you are a parent and looking for some parenting tips, here is what I have seen work in my life:
Find out what you really want in life (and work). Clear up your own path first.
Pursue your goals and passions. The best way to inspire your kids to have a good life is to live a good life, a life of intention and conscious choices.
Words and actions need to align. Our actions speak so loudly that our kids cannot hear our words.
Your role is to enjoy your life. If you cannot do that, your kids will most likely repeat the movie of your life.
Do everything in moderation—including moderation.
Looking Ahead: The 2027 San Jose 10K
My son and I have a goal when he will be in 10th grade. We will run a 10K race together in San Jose at the annual Rock ‘n’ Roll event in 2027. I am excited for this goal, and I hope he is too. If not, I know he will do it for me since we have been talking about this goal for five years now.
On my end, I have done my part by staying fit, athletic, and able to finish a 10K in under 50 minutes.
If you want to be an exemplary father to your kids, it’s super simple:
Start where you are, use what you have, and do what you can!
Happy Father’s Day to everyone.
Samyak, I love you! You are the joy of my life.
“The fundamental job of a father is to show his children how to be a human being in the world.” — Michael Thompson