In every conversation, we face two doors. One is marked Statement. The other is marked Question. Most people keep choosing the wrong one. We push through the Statement door—adding detail, stacking logic, repeating points—thinking it will change minds. But the Statement door usually closes the conversation.
The Question door does the opposite. Research from Harvard Business School indicates that individuals who ask more follow-up questions are perceived as more likable and competent.
Neuroscience explains why: a question activates the brain’s prefrontal cortex, the part that explores and solves problems. A blunt statement often triggers the amygdala, the part wired for defensiveness. One door shuts people down. The other invites them in.
Here are five open-ended starters that shift the energy:
What opportunities do you see ahead?
Who could support you right now?
Where do you think we’re missing something?
When will you know we’ve succeeded?
How would you approach this with a fresh start?
Notice what’s missing: “Why.” However curious it sounds, “Why” often feels like judgment. It pushes people to defend rather than reflect.
I’ve seen this play out with teams. A manager stuck on a project didn’t need my advice. Instead, I asked:
What part feels most unclear?
Who else could we involve?
How do you see us moving forward?
That was enough. They walked through the Question door and unlocked their own solution.
And this isn’t just for work. Think about family:
Statement: “You need to do your homework now.”
Question: “What’s the first thing you want to finish before dinner?”
The second opens the door. The first slams it shut.
But asking is only half the work. Listening is where trust builds. The pause after you ask a question often feels awkward. Sit with it—it’s the moment real thinking happens.
As Voltaire said, “Judge a man by his questions rather than by his answers.”
Want to get better at walking through the right door?
Pause before speaking. Make room for curiosity.
Turn advice into a question that sparks reflection.
Keep questions short; fewer words invite deeper answers.
Listen fully instead of planning your next thought.
After an answer, follow up with another question, not a statement.
Here’s your challenge: in your next conversation, notice which door you choose. Replace one statement with one open-ended question. Watch what happens when you step through the Question door.