The 3 Types of Feedback (And Why Mixing Them Backfires)

Appreciation, coaching, and evaluation each serve a unique purpose—confusing them erodes trust and clarity.

When I first started managing people, I believed I was giving helpful feedback. I'd say something like, “You did great in that meeting… but here’s what to improve next time.” I meant well, but my message landed awkwardly, like praise wrapped in a warning.

I didn’t realize that I was mixing three different kinds of feedback into one. When you blur those lines, people walk away confused and unclear.

Douglas Stone and Sheila Heen, in their excellent book Thanks for the Feedback, describe three distinct types of feedback every leader should know:

1. Appreciation
Purpose: To make someone feel seen, valued, and motivated. Appreciation is the fuel that keeps people going. It recognizes effort and contribution, not to correct, but to affirm.
Example: “I noticed you stayed late to test that feature. That effort mattered—thank you.”
When people don’t feel appreciated, they burn out or disengage. They wonder if their effort even matters.

2. Coaching
Purpose: To help someone improve, grow, or try something new. Coaching is forward-focused. It’s not about where someone failed, but where they can go next.
Example: “Your presentation had strong content. Next time, lead with your main takeaway—your audience looked lost mid-way.”
Coaching is most potent when it’s timely, specific, and shared with care. It requires trust and the right moment.

3. Evaluation
Purpose: To rate or assess where someone stands. Evaluation is necessary in any performance system but must be handled clearly and fairly.
Example: “Based on your goals, you’re meeting expectations this quarter. Here’s what it would take to exceed them.”
Evaluation often triggers anxiety or self-doubt. That’s why it’s crucial not to disguise it as coaching or appreciation. Mixing it with either makes people feel misled.

When someone expects appreciation and receives evaluation, it feels like rejection. When they need coaching and hear vague praise, they stay stuck. The best leaders pause and ask: “What kind of feedback is most helpful right now?” They separate the message from the moment. They choose clarity over confusion.

Reflection: What type of feedback do you lean on most? Which one do you tend to avoid? Feedback isn’t just something you give. It’s something you shape with intention, timing, and care.

If this helped clarify your feedback conversations, forward it to a colleague or manager who might appreciate it too.