Saboteur#3: I don’t believe in myself

Crushing the top 3 saboteurs of goal achievement

In this issue, we’ll address the last and the most notorious saboteur of goal achievement: it’s the lack of self-belief.

What happens when you grow a pumpkin in a jug? Its growth is stunted. The pumpkin may even look like a jug. The jug is our mind, our habitual thoughts. Pumpkin is what we manifest in life through self-expression. Our minds shape our life experiences, habits, and what we create while we live on this planet.

The mind-jug is made up of beliefs. Beliefs are repeated thoughts. We don’t see these limiting beliefs. They’re like viruses in the air. They affect us and we don’t see their presence. 

Our childhood experiences play a vital role in forming beliefs. There’s so much mud we gather on our psyche—our true self is covered with loads of mud. Lack of belief in ourselves stems from layers of mud leading to powerlessness and hopelessness. When we don’t believe, we don’t even attempt to achieve. That’s the power of belief!

All of this happens through our thoughts and we don’t realize it. Author and motivational speaker Denis Waitley wrote the poem My Robot R-U-ME2 to describe the phenomenon of our minds controlling our destinies. It’s chaotic when the little robot gets out of hand. 

I love his poem below. 

I have a little robot that goes around with me,

I tell it what I am thinking, I tell it what I see.

I tell my little robot all my hopes and fears,

It listens and remembers everything it hears.

At first, my little robot followed my command,

But after years of training, it’s gotten out of hand.

It does not care what’s right or wrong, or what is false or true,

No matter what I try now, it tells me what to do.

Thought awareness is not taught in schools and universities. We’re on our own on this quest. No one teaches you a course on Thought 101. A belief is a cable wrought with millions of tiny wires called thoughts. It took a long time for me to figure this out through reading, reflecting, meditating, and observing.

I’m not my thoughts. I have thoughts. I don’t need to think about my thoughts. I don’t need to believe all my thoughts. I can notice, witness, and let them go like passing clouds in the sky.

We have a choice to board a train of thought. If a thought doesn’t serve you, you can choose not to board that train. It’ll go without you. You can build this awareness one day at a time, one thought at a time. That awareness will set you free. 

You can start with any reflective practice to fan the flame of awareness: meditation, journaling, breathwork, or just sitting in silence noticing your thoughts. Since 2014, I have been meditating twice a day, 11 minutes per session to kindle this awareness, being the observer of my floating thoughts. 

Awareness is like bright light. When you switch on the light, disempowering thoughts disappear like cockroaches skittering away into the dark.

We can then bolster belief through action. You can form a new identity through repeated behaviors.

Identity is nothing but repeated beingness. You continue to behave in a new way for a few weeks, you form a new identity.

Our identity comes first, then behaviors, and then feelings. If we let our feelings dictate our behaviors, we’re in trouble. By not behaving and taking action, we reinforce a suboptimal identity—a person who’s timid, scared, and afraid of taking action. 

Create a new identity through behaviors. Digging the past doesn’t help.

Find out areas of your life that are controlled by negative beliefs through reflective practice. Start challenging them by taking action in alignment with the new identity. 

I have seen hundreds of smart, talented, and well-educated people who suffer from a lack of belief. They have a very small sense of self-efficacy. A strong magnet can levitate an object that is up to ten times its weight. Without the magnetic power, a magnet is nothing but a piece of metal. It doesn’t levitate anything. Self-belief is the power behind goal achievement; it’s the power that drives our behaviors. 

It’s our primary responsibility to get this area sorted out. Whether you have challenges with beliefs or you want to get them back (after a setback), prioritize this. It makes a sea of difference in your life. Remember: you can breathe belief in yourself through awareness and action! 

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” - Marianne Williamson